i could be what ever i wanted. a cat, a lamp, the sound of the thunder. anything. but i chose to be me.
bad choice at all. but the best i could make. life isnt always meant to be straight or even something good, sometimes life is a bunch of fucked up places and faces, bad timings and lame thoughts. i can see across all your lies, i can feel what you dont say to me, even when you hide it so well, i can see the writtings on the wall.
i feel so mad, for not being there in the right time, but as i said, i was not meant to be there, im just here recovering all the pieces of your disposable minds, becauese everyone of you are not well. thats the main reason why all of you like me, you see me battered, drowned, upside down, you see the part i want you to see but not everything at all, you cant never see me, you wont, i will be long gone when you just realized how i truly am. my true self, hidden even for me. pure rage, pure anger, pure hate, pure love, pure passion, pure soul. no remorse, just diferent faces, facades of mirrorlike meat, silvery slippery lies that reflect to your insides, not mine, you see what you want to see in you, i always told you that.
and you said you care for me... and those words vanished like tears of bloods in a bloody rain, a soul washed out in the open, with nothing more to offer, nothing more to say, nothing more to care... im just waiting for the rain to come and wash everything away, maybe it happend a long ago, maybe its happening so slowly im mistaking it for life.
a million suns rose and died before you came to me, and i have seen everyone of those, or i want to think of it, its just something hot going up and down, that is life, sex, lies, fights, something hot being cooled down. i have no reason to feel bad for you, but i cant stop to feel it. im so scared of losing all of you i will kill you first instead of waiting.
experience have tought you nothing, after all you are just like childs, and me a reader jost waiting for the shit to fall infront of me. i know it will happen and when it blows up in my face i just feel so void and empty... after all its like it is happening to me, your failures are mine by empathy. i knew it will happen, i just wanted that it happened to me.. it would never, i was prepared.
i hate you
and you love the way i look at you.
i just cant be full again.
